how kind you have been to us this year. the slant of the afternoon light through the windows makes me grateful each and every time. the smell of woodsmoke in the morning is heavenly. the twinkle of lights throughout the town brings a smile to all of our faces.
the hustle and bustle i could do without. the necessity of gifts and presents not my favorite.
looking for the meaning at this time of year is good. figuring out how to give the gift of handmade instead of buying well, i love this. finding treasures and supplies in my own studio even better!
you see December, somewhere in the midst of all the flurry and blur you bring beauty. my littlest dons a red and white hat around town. my children want to create more. knit more. sew more. there are gatherings with friends both new and old. places to explore while music and laughter dance in the air. and there is chocolate. i mean we can't forget that.
it's all there. if we choose to find it. the fun. the love. the creative joy. the handmade. the doing more with less. really, it doesn't take much if we put our minds to it. joy knows no limits. giving when least expected is grand.
there are so many places to give throughout the year. this year i have pondered it more than others. the need for help is there even in February. and July. showing my children this really is the gift i've already received this year. a plan to bring into the new year. opportunities.
today i feel excited about the journey into this month. the possibilities for warmth. maybe a meal out. some hot cocoa. something dripping with holiday spirit. fun. how great would that be!
so...thank you December. for all that you have already brought. and all that is yet to come.
My hands wrap around my favorite mug as i slowly sip in the morning. i breathe. i pause and look into the fire dancing near my toes. the house has quieted. the children tucked into school after a raucous, lively weekend home. the littlest playing nearby. happy with a pile of books. or a doll. or a fur laid on the floor. rolling on and off. on and off. i find solace in the quiet. the time when even my own thoughts slow. these times don't present often when in a house of six. instead there are levels of quiet. the quiet where everyone plays something, happy, getting along. the quiet of a beach walk. the waves crashing and retreating. the quiet of a late night swim with the family. the quiet of an inspiring conversation with a friend. the quiet once the children are in bed and just the dishwasher hums. the quiet as my guy reads nearby. each of us flipping pages. the quiet that happens, occasionally, in the morning. it's hard to say which is my favorite. more and more i seek solace in these times.
i breathe. i notice. i find the grateful that weaves through the day. i start again.
big. small. important. seemingly unimportant. each of those decisions helped form and create the life that I live each day. though the tendency to ponder how life would be different if I'd made another choice. taken another path. reacted a different way. i want to believe that this is the human condition.
movies like the family man show this universal truth. acknowledged. understood. when I look back there are times when i wish i had said more. had more courage. listened without thinking. been kinder to myself. held more understanding. yet, given a chance, I wouldn't do things differently.
every decision in the exact way i chose provided the growth and wisdom i have today. though at times those moments seemed painful I wouldn't trade that.
I have a list of "things" life has brought my way. a list that says "see" you can hold onto this. it was hard and painful. the me today asks why. why carry it any longer.
There is a breathtaking movie playing in the theatres named about time. I've been to see it three times. the depth of which i have cried and laughed in this movie have carried over into my daily living. Please, please go see this. and then tell me what you think. there really are no words other than to experience it yourself.
It comes down to what I chose in life, now, everyday. am i choosing pessimism or joy. am i choosing old habits or gratefulness. am i choosing a grudge or freedom.
i'm a work in progress. though i know each day i can chose one of those things. each day i can look back and say i chose to see the beauty in the moment. isn't that what life is really about? the people. the love. the joy. the choice.
this morning the washer hums in the backround. the guest bed is now empty. two sets of lovely visitors have all headed home leaving only the lingering wafts of memories. the smiles that greeted me as I walked downstairs. the two friends knitting by the fire. a brother who brought music into our lives. all good. full. now the house settles into quiet.
i've been reading. most recently, i'm late to the party on this one, is the history of love by nicole krauss. such amazing writing. the dialoge in this book just slays me. it's all the words that run through your head, in and out of conversations, written down. i laughed. i cried. i can't say enough.
sense and sensibility by the lovely jane austen. i'm reading this along with my girl.
the deep end of the ocean by neil gaiman. his way of bringing together fantasy and reality really shouldn't be missed.
finally the woodcutter by kate danley, sent to me by a friend who knew i'd love it, was such a joy to read for someone who loves a good grimm's fairytale.
the sun filters through the trees out front. the whole day in front of me. two little ones build a fort with chairs, pillows, silks, and kitchen items. laughing and pretending together. i believe i will tackle those piles of unclaimed things that happen when one has moved. displaced items that have no official home. a latte in hand gives courage to greet what this day brings. may it be a lovely one.
we've started a new adventure. a different chapter in our story that has taken us to the water. a place i find my solace. my peace. my breath.
it's been a transition to say the least. a decision made by the end of may. a move that brought us here in time for the first school picnic. a different path to school. or three different schools i might say. whorling at a different speed than our life before. challenging our courage. strengthening our family. attempting pauses to notice what we are grateful for.
we moved from mystic mountains. away from dear friends and a life we had built over eight years. to start something here closer to family. near an elusive, dreamy edge.
i've sorted the last of the boxes. now there are piles that await homes. routines settled into. ryhthm still shifting and changing but there. there after a long hiatus. breathing through overwhelm. noticing the dew settled on bikes discarded in the yard.
we have more land to roam. more places for the children to burst forth out of the house and play. trees to climb. paths to create. picnics to have. secret gardens to cultivate.
outside there is a studio. a place full of windows, white walls and tall ceilings that hold wishes and ideas. a place to cultivate my next plans. i envision twinkly lights and gatherings there. a place to swap stories and ponder dreams. it's there when i squint my eyes.
there are items yet to find a home. most of which will be donated. old journals full of ideas and ramblings may be cleared out. leaving room for new inspiration. i'm holding onto nothing that makes my heart heavy. my desire to feel light and free in this space empowers this movement. even though it feels hard at times. very hard to let go of what felt like me before.
I remind myself to breathe. to read. to give thanks and find joy in each day. I remember that I'm a part of this wild adventure called life and it should be lived.
May 1st brought 14" of snow. Yesterday, I found myself outside listening to birds and children chatter as I pulled weeds out of the garden. Rain and sunshine provided the ideal growing situation for the prolific nuisances in the yard.
I'd begun to think that blogging just wasn't in the cards this month. With family trips and big daddy trips and my girlie turning "14" time seemed to be all about the family. No time to reflect when one is "on task" at all moments. Alas, this afternoon the two littlest are happily playing amongst themselves and I have a full half an hour before I do the next school pick-up.
So how are you friends? I've missed being here.
I've been spring cleaning this month. Yes, it's almost summer with one more week of school left but I felt spring was late in arriving so I don't feel bad it's taken so long. It's exciting and overwhelming to go through "stuff" and clear it all out. This time I'm serious. I'm clearing things out that have been gingerly laid back the last ten times I've cleared out. Bags of things are being sent out to the appropriate places with a silent vow to not over-do anything again. Really how many table cloths does one need when you have one table? Plus the fact that I rarely use them? How many t-shirts does one need to own when laundry is done every few days? Dishes, don't get me started. Books, which seem to be what I love and conveniently overlook all the time, are being gone through. It's pretty liberating to clear out the books that tell me how to garden, and organize and simplify my life. My grandmother was a delight in this area and I hear her voice often lately..."Why are you holding onto that old thing?" I used to watch and giggle as I saw her clear out things that no longer served a purpose. What a great example. She also referred to books, and I must add here that she was an avid reader, as old ideas. There are a few that you hold onto like the ones you re-read over and over again but otherwise? Make room for new ideas. Let some breath in.
So that is what I'm doing. As well as loving the weather outside and attempting to soak it all in. Knitting...not much happening there. Though I have a pile of projects that need to make it onto Ravelry. Sewing...??? Crafting of any sort??? Reading...this might be what I'm doing the most of and that isn't much. Like I said it's an interesting month. A good month. A month to breathe and be.
I'm glad to have the opportunity to check in as the last photos on the blog are of snow. Though it wasn't that long ago it seems miles away with all the green bursting forth outside now.
Thank you dear friends for all the lovely comments you leave. I read every one of them and love the thoughts and ideas you share.
:: Sometimes one must have a sense of humor about the weather. One must understand that as King Winter and Lady Spring have their last tug of war all you can do is embrace it. Put on your snow boots one day and your flip flops the next. Squish around in rain boots. Watch the water drip off snow clothes by the fire. More than anything keep an inward giggle that soon all this water will bring spring flowers...hopefully.
:: Sometimes one must take your daughter to the premiere of the Sense and Sensibility Musical because really, Jane Austen rules. One must enjoy a delicious french Croque Monsieur and drink Perrier. One must listen to amazing singers tell a fabulous story and then give advice to your daughter, after the show, about how to enter the world of musicals. Then one must revel in that cool, cool day.
:: Sometimes one must organize despite the weather outside. One must go through thousands of photos and wonder what in the world to do with them all. One must wonder many times, "where did all this stuff come from"? Sometimes one then realizes that there may need to be an entire post on this later.
:: Sometimes one must apply their Crossfit motto of "Don't think just do it" to writing for an excellent magazine. One must sit and push through the moment when fingers hover over the keys and nothing, I repeat NOTHING, comes to mind. Then one must sometimes put the computer away and be grateful when the whole idea comes pouring forth mid-tooth brushing. Sometimes that's the way it goes with writing.
:: Sometimes one must realize that they are literally never going to blog again unless they can use Instagram photos once in awhile or everyday. It may not be what one would ultimately want but it seems better than total radio silence. Sometimes it's necessary to re-evaluate all the boundaries we trap ourselves in and have more fun.
:: Sometimes one must know that life if full. Interesting. Exciting. Worth being here for. Sometimes, one must embrace the current moment and dance with the winds of change.
It's April and there's snow falling outside. It started again yesterday and, more than likely, plans on continuing into tomorrow. As grateful as I am for the moisture it seems to be wreaking havoc with my "Spring" ideas. The "clean up and clear out" part of this season seems a distant thought. Crawling into a warm, fur-lined nook by the fire with a good book sounds better. Much better.
As a distraction, on this otherwise non-spring day, I thought I'd give you an update on the fire cider we started a few months back. The big daddy loved the whole idea of this recipe and the uses for this magical stuff. Or was it the super spicy stuff he got to put in it? He will never say, though I have my suspicions.
This fire cider may very well be magic. It seems to prevent and cure all. This wet, cold, snowy season of Spring seems the perfect time to have our first batch ready to test. Yes, we have started other batches as it takes a good four to eight weeks to brew. This past weekend was the first sampling. I'll admit, I was scared. How spicy would it be? Would I be able to take it and still convince my children to try it even if I'm hopping around the kitchen on fire? What in the world would it taste like?
Well, it's good! Spicy. Vinegar-y. A burn in your throat kind of wonderful. Similar to Kombucha only with a kick. We love it. At least the two oldest and the two youngest do. My five year old asked, "if he would be able to breathe fire afterwards"? Um,(parental decision moment)....absolutely! I felt like I was breathing fire, so why not? We have since re-named it affectionately "Dragon Fire".
If you are strong of heart and up for a challenge I suggest you put together some of this concoction. There are many ways to make it your own. More spicy. Less spicy. Amanda added honey, cayenne, and turmeric to different batches that they made. I suppose anything that sounds good to you would work...maybe not chocolate.
A foot of snow sits outside as I write this. The windshield wiper, just on the drivers side, was broken when we went to sweep snow off the car this morning. Yet, I feel the promise of Spring in the air. Throw open the windows, feel the fresh breeze waft through kind of promise.
I've been catching up on a few of my favorite blogs since returning home. The theme...change. It's out there. It's being felt in so many ways. Resulting in many thoughts and epiphanies. Many feelings of over-whelm. Change. I feel it. I welcome it. I've felt limited. Limited by myself. Limited by how I've set things up.
We had an amazing trip over Spring Break. One that you look forward to and plan and think about for months ahead. The trip very much apart of our dinner conversations and chats over lattes in the morning. A trip to celebrate the big daddy and a big birthday happening this summer. Though, I felt unable to share it here. For the sake of boundaries. For the sake of feeling unsure how I felt about others knowing. limited.
The photographs I take for the blog are just that..."blog photos". I recently went through my library and realized that so many photographs of my children are half a face, no head, from above kind of photos. Not a lot of "real" photos of my children. For someone that has an interest in photography I found that mildly disturbing. In fact, so disturbing that over Spring Break I took only photos that showed my children's faces. Their personalities. Who they are today. Faces I want to remember.
So, I'm noticing these things. And, I'm no longer okay with them.
This past July my littlest turned two. Two. I panicked. Mostly because I have spent a good part of my children's youth being pregnant, tired, nursing, over-weight, and not fast enough to keep up with them. The day after my girls birthday I began researching. I've changed the way I eat. In October, the big daddy joined me, to help make it easier, as well as he saw the results in me. In November, my super-fit sister in law came for a visit over Thanksgiving. I researched Crossfit gyms for her to attend while she was here. It turned out that they happened to have an introduction class a few days after she left. I decided to go, just to see. I thought it would be too intense, as most outsiders think. It was hard. It challenged me. I came home and told the big daddy, "I LOVE it!" There it was. My place. After all this time. I now call myself a "cross-fitter". Though I've never even mentioned it here. A big part of me.
Do you see where I'm going with this? How many places do we limit ourselves? How often do we alter who we are to fit into certain parameters? How many times are we not honest with ourselves and what we want?
This blog, Enchantedmama, I started over four years ago to bring more creativity into my life. A way to provide more tangible results. Then, it shifted ever so slightly to document our stories as a family. A way to look back and remember things I would have forgotten in the blur of pregnancy and exhaustion. Now? Well, that's what I'm working on. I've felt a bit stalled here. Limited in what I can share here. I toyed with the idea of changing it completely. Moving to another site. Another name. Another focus. I've realized though that it has everything to do with me. I'm the change that needs to happen. Not the font, or colors. Though, I will more than likely do that too! Moving would just be delaying what really needs the shift. Me.
So, I start from here. Feet firmly planted on the ground. Eyes open. And, I'm pleased with that.
With the theme of change circulating "out there" this spring my version will involve looking into those places where I limit myself.
I want to bring more here. I want to show you what inspires me. I want to know what inspires you. I would like to have this blog change along with the seasons. Movement. Freedom. Change.
I want to notice this Spring. I want to look it in the eye and say, "Yes!".
Birds have always symbolized change in my life. Even as a young child. Today, as I write this post by the window, latte in hand, there are over thirty Robin Red Breast birds in my snowy yard. My little two year old kept saying, "Birds. Birds outside." "uh-huh." I would oblige between sentences. "No, mama birds!" "Okay, sweetie pie." She grabs my hand, "Come now. Birds!!!" Roused from my writing I walk over to the window and see a festival, a gathering of over thirty birds. "Birds!!!" I yell. She smiles.
They are still there. Ruffling their feathers and looking positively fluffy. Like a big warm winter coat. So simple yet so telling. If birds mean change. And, I'm writing about change. And, there are over thirty birds outside right now...that has to mean something right?!!???!
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