A foot of snow sits outside as I write this. The windshield wiper, just on the drivers side, was broken when we went to sweep snow off the car this morning. Yet, I feel the promise of Spring in the air. Throw open the windows, feel the fresh breeze waft through kind of promise.
I've been catching up on a few of my favorite blogs since returning home. The theme...change. It's out there. It's being felt in so many ways. Resulting in many thoughts and epiphanies. Many feelings of over-whelm. Change. I feel it. I welcome it. I've felt limited. Limited by myself. Limited by how I've set things up.
We had an amazing trip over Spring Break. One that you look forward to and plan and think about for months ahead. The trip very much apart of our dinner conversations and chats over lattes in the morning. A trip to celebrate the big daddy and a big birthday happening this summer. Though, I felt unable to share it here. For the sake of boundaries. For the sake of feeling unsure how I felt about others knowing. limited.
The photographs I take for the blog are just that..."blog photos". I recently went through my library and realized that so many photographs of my children are half a face, no head, from above kind of photos. Not a lot of "real" photos of my children. For someone that has an interest in photography I found that mildly disturbing. In fact, so disturbing that over Spring Break I took only photos that showed my children's faces. Their personalities. Who they are today. Faces I want to remember.
So, I'm noticing these things. And, I'm no longer okay with them.
This past July my littlest turned two. Two. I panicked. Mostly because I have spent a good part of my children's youth being pregnant, tired, nursing, over-weight, and not fast enough to keep up with them. The day after my girls birthday I began researching. I've changed the way I eat. In October, the big daddy joined me, to help make it easier, as well as he saw the results in me. In November, my super-fit sister in law came for a visit over Thanksgiving. I researched Crossfit gyms for her to attend while she was here. It turned out that they happened to have an introduction class a few days after she left. I decided to go, just to see. I thought it would be too intense, as most outsiders think. It was hard. It challenged me. I came home and told the big daddy, "I LOVE it!" There it was. My place. After all this time. I now call myself a "cross-fitter". Though I've never even mentioned it here. A big part of me.
Do you see where I'm going with this? How many places do we limit ourselves? How often do we alter who we are to fit into certain parameters? How many times are we not honest with ourselves and what we want?
This blog, Enchantedmama, I started over four years ago to bring more creativity into my life. A way to provide more tangible results. Then, it shifted ever so slightly to document our stories as a family. A way to look back and remember things I would have forgotten in the blur of pregnancy and exhaustion. Now? Well, that's what I'm working on. I've felt a bit stalled here. Limited in what I can share here. I toyed with the idea of changing it completely. Moving to another site. Another name. Another focus. I've realized though that it has everything to do with me. I'm the change that needs to happen. Not the font, or colors. Though, I will more than likely do that too! Moving would just be delaying what really needs the shift. Me.
So, I start from here. Feet firmly planted on the ground. Eyes open. And, I'm pleased with that.
With the theme of change circulating "out there" this spring my version will involve looking into those places where I limit myself.
I want to bring more here. I want to show you what inspires me. I want to know what inspires you. I would like to have this blog change along with the seasons. Movement. Freedom. Change.
I want to notice this Spring. I want to look it in the eye and say, "Yes!".
Birds have always symbolized change in my life. Even as a young child. Today, as I write this post by the window, latte in hand, there are over thirty Robin Red Breast birds in my snowy yard. My little two year old kept saying, "Birds. Birds outside." "uh-huh." I would oblige between sentences. "No, mama birds!" "Okay, sweetie pie." She grabs my hand, "Come now. Birds!!!" Roused from my writing I walk over to the window and see a festival, a gathering of over thirty birds. "Birds!!!" I yell. She smiles.
They are still there. Ruffling their feathers and looking positively fluffy. Like a big warm winter coat. So simple yet so telling. If birds mean change. And, I'm writing about change. And, there are over thirty birds outside right now...that has to mean something right?!!???!
So on that note...I will leave you for today.
Until tomorrow my friends.