Once upon a time, a small girl cherished the hand knit stocking that her grandmother had made for her. It featured a jolly snowman, bells, wreaths and holly scattered here and there. But, more than that it was the memory of her grandmothers hands as she knit and pulled colors to create the very stocking that she now held in her hands. A memory. An heirloom.
Twenty five years later this same small girl was now a mother. She knew that one day she wanted to knit stockings for her own children. With the enthusiasm of the naive she took a class. For she had never turned a heel on a sock ever before. This class went smoothly and spurred her on to buy enough yarn for at least twenty stockings. Two stockings was the goal.
She went home with a smile and her fully loaded bag and proceeded to spend weeks planning the designs. You see this girl was a bit of a perfectionist. Although, she would never admit that then. She knew that these stockings were going to be heirlooms, just as hers was to her. And then, gulp, she realized what she was doing.
The pressure of the situation descended. She felt that she could never get them quite right. Even so she knit and knit and knit. Stockings a third done, lay next to the same exact design of another half done. While her needles began yet another in the same design. Perfectionism at work. They were never quite right. The color work too tight. The color choices too dark. She fretted. She worried. She sat with stockings piling up in her lap and yet none were "the ones".
Months past and she couldn't finish in time for the holiday merriment. Christmas eve brought new determination that next year she would finish. Next year she would know what to do and just do them. Here enters her third baby.
In September with renewed determination she started again. She did not know who this third baby would be only suspecting that it was a girl. 99.8% sure the baby was a girl. She finished one stocking. Finally. Her beautiful baby boy was born in October. So, he used the finished stocking in December. That was okay. But, she wanted a stocking that would fit his personality for the next year, and the next and the next. A stocking that he would not question later, as to why she had put so many hearts on his stocking? The other two had at least three versions....none that would work.
Next holiday. She started again in July. Determined that this would be the year. Before her children went away to college they would have their hand knit stockings. So, she knit and knit and knit. The colors were too dark. The pattern too long. Every excuse in the world to continue putting the stockings down. She almost threw in the towel wondering if she would ever get it right. That year her littlest had a stocking with knitting needles holding the end closed. Her middle son had a version of his done but not embellished, no name, no details. Discouraged she packed them away yet again after the holiday.
Then, in November of this year she pulled out her own stocking that her grandmother had knit for her. Studying it she realized that it was not "perfect" as she had always thought. There were mistakes here and there. But, she had never seen them. She had only seen in her own mind that it was made just for her. By her grandmother. And, used for years. That is what had made it perfect. That is what made it special.
So, gently she set her stocking down and examined the others. Tears ran down her face as she realized it was not the outcome but the process. Three years she had sat with these stockings in her lap only to realize that her children would love them no matter what. This is when something changed.
She no longer had to have them "perfect" as she had always thought. Because "in imperfection there in lies the beauty". No more thoughts as she picked up her knitting needles and began to knit. Colors pulled from the same worn basket that had intimidated her before. Colors that now brought a smile to her face.
And, now she sits by the fire on a cool evening knitting because she wants to. Not because she has to.
And she knits, with her new yarn bowl from two dear friends, happily ever after....
The beginning.